AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR EXPECTATIONS

I don’t particularly want to share this shortcoming, but I want to work on it, so it would seem counter to my goal if I don’t — and that is giving without expectation.

I don’t hold to giving from a place of expectation. I’m not married to doing something to receive something in return. However, when I notice a pattern of the ‘taking’ and ‘asking’ becoming more significant than the reciprocation in my life, I do find that I get a bit bratty in my head. 

I feel like I naturally give a lot, organically share my time or talents, and provide things to others without expecting or even asking for anything in return — and I adore it. It gets me high, in a way. It’s one of the things about myself that I dig.But sometimes, I find myself dipping below the line. Regardless of what I know to be right, there have been specific periods over the years when I don’t get the warm fuzzies from all the giving.

I haven’t figured out the pattern yet or what takes it from being a joyous thing to a meh thing. It’s frustrating when I dive into the ‘I have expectations’ zone — I don’t care for this version of me. I’d prefer if she went on permanent vacation. Mainly because, as I said, I super love doing things for others. I like making things better for someone or doing a person a solid, regardless of my circumstances.

This is all a slippery slope for me. It makes me realize how much I need other people to want to help me too. Said with more articulation: I want people to want to help me succeed also. This realization makes me feel no bueno because this momma likes to think she doesn’t need any of that stuff — and it defeats the point of giving without expectation. 

So how to shift? I have no flipping idea. This one has had me stumped for years because I know what my therapist, Norm, would have said to me, “Giving with expectations is not giving.” Yeah, sure, I know — but what do I do now? What do I do when this feeling bubbles up? Because my go-to is to just argue with it, which solves nothing in the moment.

So I am putting it on my “To Tackle” list. I hope to figure it out, but I may still be searching for answers when I’m 88. We shall see. Until then, I’ll keep doing my thing and keep giving along the way.

— The Essentialyst

p.s. Please don’t ask me if this is about you — It’s about me. If you feel like it’s about you, consider giving more just for the personal high that comes from giving. ;)